Sunday, October 2, 2011

looking back...

Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers…
This song is ringing true for me right now, as I think back to one year ago today.
 Many of you know,  we miscarried and lost our first baby at 10 weeks last October.  It was quite possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever been through…going from pure joy and anxious anticipation, to wondering why and asking how could this happen.  The worst part may have been wondering how could I possibly go through another pregnancy without extreme fear and worry.  At the time, an amazing song by Natalie Grant played constantly in my head and brought so much comfort in the midst of pain….  Here is a bit of Held:
Two months is too little,  They let him go,  They had no sudden healing
To think that providence, Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed, and Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us  Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell….. We'd be held
For those that have been through it before, you understand the indescribable mix of emotions you experience, especially watching others around you experience the joy you so badly desired, and wanting to share in it with them.  But like the song says, we have such a beautiful promise from our Lord….can’t even describe how much I have seen His faithfulness since then.
Just a few months later, we were finding out that we not only had been given that precious gift again, but 3 times over!  God obviously had other things in store for us at the time, and I’m so thankful he did!  I can’t even imagine not getting to experience this amazing journey with our precious babies.  Thank you Lord for your timing, and allowing us to hope and trust in you.   Now the song running through my mind is a bit different….
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

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